Jokers Wild
by ML Miller Breedlove
Summary: All work and no play can make for a dull camp. So some of the men have decided to liven things up. Just a little "one shot". Complete


The T.V. show Hogan's Heroes belongs to Bing Crosby Productions. No ownership of the Hogan's Heroes characters is implied or inferred, and no infringement is intended.  
  
Jokers Wild By ML Miller  
  
The door to barrack two flew open and in stomped Klink and Schultz. "Everybody up, up, up. The Kommandant is here. Wake up!"  
  
The men started moaning and complaining as they climbed out of their bunks. The door to Hogan's quarters opened. "All right, what's going on out here? Kommandant? What are you doing here? It's thirty minutes to roll call."  
  
Klink marched up and stood in front of Hogan, "Who turned off the main water line?"  
  
"Who did what?"  
  
"You heard me, you or one of your men turned off the main water line. And they did it after they knew I and my men would be getting ready for the day. The water shut off in the middle of my shower! That wasn't an accident. I don't know how you arranged it, but we know it had to be one or more of the prisoners."  
  
The men, standing by their bunks, were snickering and poking each other. Trying to figure out who pulled the prank.  
  
"How do you know it wasn't one of your men? Maybe someone didn't like you turning down their leave?"  
  
Klink turned around and said, "We will find out who did this and the guilty man, or men, will be punished!" Klink stormed out as quickly as he came in.  
  
The barracks broke into a fit of laughter. "Oh, I would 'ave loved to 'ave seen ole Klink covered in soap with no water to rinse off." Newkirk said, holding his sides.  
  
Hogan was laughing and shaking his head. "Ok, who's the practical joker?"  
  
All the men looked around to see who was going to take the bow. But nobody did.  
  
At roll call thirty minutes later, someone from another barrack yelled out, "How was your shower Kommandant?" That brought a fit of laughter from several of the barracks that had heard what happened.  
  
"Ha, ha, ha, very funny! It is so funny I want to share some fun with you. Lights out 30 minutes early tonight. We'll see who has the last laugh!" Klink looked at Hogan, and then turned to go to his office.  
  
**********  
  
Later that day, Carter came into the barrack. "Hey, barrack eight is taking credit for Klink's dry shower this morning."  
  
"No kidding," Kinch laughed. "I didn't think those guys had a prankster among them."  
  
"Yeah, they said they got bored, and one thing led to another, until they decided to liven things up."  
  
"Well, they did that," Hogan smiled and shook his head. "Just seeing Klink in his snit this morning was worth the trouble!"  
  
Hogan was glad for the change of pace. They hadn't had an assignment from London in 12 days and everyone had a lot of energy bottled up. Laughter was a good way to let it out.  
  
*********  
  
Early the next morning, Hogan was again awakened early by an irate Kommandant, who had stormed into his room unannounced.  
  
"COLONEL HOGAN!"  
  
Hogan sat up quickly, looking around to see what the commotion was all about. "What is it now?"  
  
"I let you and your men off easy yesterday morning. I can see that was a mistake!"  
  
"What happened," Hogan asked as he climbed down from his upper bunk and pulled on his robe.  
  
The men of barrack two had gathered around the opened door to Hogan's room.  
  
"Somebody exchanged the sugar for salt and salt for sugar, in the soldier's mess hall."  
  
Hogan couldn't help but laugh.  
  
"Oh, you think that's funny, do you? We'll see how funny you think it is while you and your men are cleaning out the latrine."  
  
"Come on Kommandant, it's just harmless pranks." Hogan called out as Klink made his hasty exit.  
  
Again laughter broke out. Hogan was smiling and said, "Kinch, you better tell the men in barrack eight to stop, before we're all thrown in the cooler. And then tell them thanks for the change of pace."  
  
*********  
  
Later that morning, Hogan and his men were standing around outside of barrack two, when Kinch walked up. "Hey Colonel, barrack eight didn't pull that stunt!"  
  
Hogan looked at Kinch with interest, "Who did?"  
  
"Barrack eleven, seems that there was a little rivalry going on between the two barracks," Kinch answered.  
  
"Oh this is too good," Newkirk said. "We've got to get in on this!"  
  
"Oui, Mon Colonel, we can't be out done," LeBeau pleaded.  
  
Hogan laughed and looked from man to man and relented. "Ok, what did you have in mind?"  
  
********  
  
Late that night the men of barrack two were sneaking across the compound and made their way to Kommandant Klink's office.  
  
Newkirk, Carter and LeBeau stopped in the outer office, while Hogan and Kinch went into the Kommandant's office.  
  
They began working on the phones. They altered the rotary dial, so that the numbers would be off set, by one electrical emission; thus causing a wrong number to be dialed.  
  
After roll call the next morning, the word was spread and the whole camp waited for the yelling to start.  
  
It wasn't long before Klink could be heard shouting. The camp broke into an uproar of hooting and whistling. Within minutes, Klink was closing in on his Senior POW once again.  
  
"Colonel Hogan, I want the phones in my office fixed immediately. After which you will take your men, under guard, out to repair as many of the roads as you can until the sun sets."  
  
Hogan couldn't stop laughing, "Kommandant where is your sense of humor."  
  
"We'll see if you're still laughing tonight! Schultz, no breaks, and no lunch for these men, understood?"  
  
"Understood, Herr Kommandant." Schultz came to attention.  
  
"Hogan, get somebody over here to fix these phones now."  
  
As Klink disappeared into his office, the camp gathered in the middle of the compound.  
  
"Colonel, we men in barrack eight and eleven want to join forces with you and your men in two. What do you say?"  
  
Hogan watched as the door to Klink's office closed. "I say it serves him right for being such a spoil sport!"  
  
The Camp broke into cheers.  
  
***********  
  
It was a long hard day of road work, but it was made shorter by the covert planning for the nights activities. By the time they were marched back to camp they had their plans made. As they passed through the gates they noticed Klink had doubled the guards. He was taking steps to stop the shenanigans of the past three nights.  
  
However, unknown to Klink, the prisoners had a means of getting around camp that protected them from the eyes of the guards.  
  
Early the next morning the POW's were up looking out the windows and doors. They could see the shadows of the men, on the roofs of the soldiers barrack and of Klink's quarters. The lights went on first in Klink's quarters the chain reaction began. The signal to go into action was passed along, until the men on the roof were alerted to cover the flues of Klink's quarters and the soldiers barrack, causing the smoke from the wood stove, to pour out into the room. As soon as the men on watch saw that the room had become smoky the second signal was given, to unplug the flue and make their getaway. Klink, seeing the smoke, ran for the door, but when he twisted the knob it fell off in his hand. Shortly after that it looked like a reenactment of the "Keystone Kops", with some of the guards trying to convince Klink to jump out the window, some bringing the fire hose, and still others trying to get the door knobs back in the doors to open them.  
  
By this time the Allied prisoners had poured out of the barracks for a better view. They began shouting "helpful" suggestions to the chaotic soldiers. The camp was in an uproar, with the prisoners laughing hysterically, some rolling on the ground no longer able to stand up, and the guards trying to regain some order.  
  
In the middle of all of this Kinch came to Colonel Hogan and handed him a folded piece of paper. "It looks like our hiatus is over." Hogan said looking at Kinch.  
  
"Afraid so Colonel, London has a job for us," Kinch confirmed.  
  
"It's just as well, one more night like this and we all would have been shot!" Hogan looked around at the laughing men and added with a snicker, "It might have been worth it."  
  
The End.  
  
After "The Last Mission", I had some requests for a happier story. This is my attempt to fulfill that request. I hope you enjoyed it. 


End file.
